FrUsTrAtIoN...

Though I am with Jas for 4 years already, sometimes I still feel that I do not understand her... I really don't know what she wants.... Whatever I do, never seems to be enough. Is she really too demanding? Or is it because I never share enough? I seriously don't know. She always get angry and unhappy with me over small little things. I am really very sick and tired of this. Sometimes I just wish to go out with her, have fun and enjoy each other's company... But she always choose to give a black face, get unhappy about some senseless stuff, and spoil the whole day. I hardly have time to spend with her cuz of work and whenever I have time, as much as I can, I'll spend it with her. And almost everytime, at one point or another, she will be unhappy about something. And the worst thing is that she never ever tell me what she is unhappy about! I am not God. I am not a saint. I am a normal human being. As much as I like to read peoples' action and gestures, I can't read peoples' mind! How on earth am I suppose to know what is wrong if she doesn't tell me? And like I say, she is always unhappy about very small things. Then how am I suppose to know what SMALL things I've done, that cause her to be unhappy? All I am capable of is to know that she is unhappy when she show a black face. Then I would have to start to find out what's wrong, keep asking her, then she gets more irritated cuz I do not know what's wrong, then I get more confused about what's wrong, then I get frustrated cuz I don't know what she wants, then she gets angry cuz I don't know what she wants.... And the whole happy day is destroyed.... just like that. She will try to suppress her unhappiness and ACT normal. I will try to make her happy and apologise for things I do not know. How much more fake can one get? I just wanna spend some preicous time with her happily. Is that too ask for? Why must she always make things so difficult?

She always expect me to tell her what I am doing, who I go out with and things like that. Well, fair enough. And I always try my best to tell her everything. And now there's a problem. A BIG problem. Now its not about whether I tell her what I am doing or who I go out with. Now its about when I tell her! She never tells me directly before but from what I can feel, she expects me to tell her exactly what I am doing and who I am with as soon as possible, if not immediately. But can't she understand that there's a time for everything, including keeping her updated of my stuff? Just take the day before yesterday for example....

I met up with some primary school friends for dinner, then was eventually being led up to this office and briefed about Network Marketing and stuff like that. After which, I hang around at the coffeeshop to chat with some other friends. I called her and she asked me what I was doing. And I told her that I was at the coffeeshop with my friends. Did I lie to her? NO I did not!

And yesterday, while we were having dinner, I furished her with more details about what I encountered the day before. Then she got angry. At first I thought she was angry that I was interested in the marketing thing. I kept asking her what's wrong but she wouldn't say. But after reading her blog, I finally found out what's wrong. She is angry that I didn't tell her that a female friend brought me to the company to tell me about the marketing stuff. But HELLO? Didn't I just told her that? Based on this scenario, I can safely assume that she expects me to tell her all this at the point in time when I called her. Might not be a difficult thing for me to do but then again, what would she be thinking if I just tell her that a female friend brought me to her company, and due to time constraint, I cannot explain to her fully the details of the encounter? WHAT WOULD SHE BE THINKING? Many things. Which is why I told her during our dinner. Which I deemed to be a suitable time for me to tell her the whole story so that she would not have any misunderstanding. But what did I get? A black face.

So based on this case study, an ideal way for me to solve this problem is to keep her FULLY informed of what I am doing. A good method would be to install an electronic tracking devices on me, complete with audio and video recording function. But that would be too expensive. So the next most effective method is for me to call her and update her on what I am doing constantly. As such a typical day would be like this: (using that day when I met my friend as a scenario)
Call 1 : Jas, I'm leaving camp now to eunos.
Call 2: I'm reaching soon, trying to find the parking lot.
Call 3: I am walking towards the coffeeshop to meet my friends.
Call 4: I am at the coffeeshop already. I am with friend A and friend B. Friend A is a girl, age 22, ex pri sch friend, fr same poly, recently just caught up with her, she's now working as a marketing officer. Friend B is a guy, age 22, ex pri sch friend, also sp, having dinner together also.
Call 5: I am having dinner now. Eating friedrice.
Call 6: Dunno why but she's bring us up to the office.
Call 7: This guy is talking to us about the network marketing. The details as such, blah blah blah...
Call 8: The guy finish talking already. Going down to the coffeeshop now to chit chat.
Call 9: 2 more friends join us. They are friend C and friend D. Their details are as follows: blah blah blah... Friend A is not with us anymore cuz she is having a meeting....

The list goes on......
Does this make sense? I am quite sure it doesn't. But isn't this the best way to keep her informed of what I am doing timely? If not I really don't know what else I can do!

If I never tell her who I am going out with or where I am. Then I admit I am wrong. But the point now is that I did tell her. Just that I told her a day later so that I can tell her everything clearly. If this is wrong, then tell me what's right. AND LET ME SAY AGAIN! I DID NOT LIE! Lying and telling her late is TWO damn DIFFERENT thing.

I am really very frustrated. GOD TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!