Thursday, May 10, 2007

The feeling of fear and stress...

3 papers in 24 hrs...I really don't know how I manage to do it. Econs was ok. Questions were quite straight forward. Or is it because I've put in much more efforts in studying Econs that everything seems more familiar? Was it an overdose of Econs that caused me to have a mental black-out during the Marketing paper? Marketing paper was ridiculous....ridiculously easy. At least 2 of the questions were cut-and-paste from the Mock Exam. And I did the 2 of them during Mock. So I guess I'm suppose to do well for them? No.... far from it. I looked at PLC and IM with eyes wide opened. For at least 5 mins, I did not know how to start. I forgot how and what to write. I forgot what I wrote for Mock.... haiz... I think my paper was a piece of crap... and I really don't want to think about the result.

The feeling of fear is strong and that leads to an enormous amount of stress. Like what Patrick said... "No one can understand our type of stress." To which I agree. Of course, people are gonna say that everyone will experience stress during exams. But our kind of stress is different....simply because we've failed before. Retaking 3 compulsory subjects which I'm extremely weak in. 4 new modules to cope. The risk of failing again. The fact that one can only attempt any subjects a maximum of 3 times. And it doesn't help very much with a fuck up timetable I have...6 papers within 9 days.... haiz... super stressed.... super duper stressed... The kind of stress and fear that I've never experienced before. Not even when I was lost in the Brunei jungle for 2 damn days without food and water. The feeling is so extreme that its sapping my energy. I'm just like a walking zombie now with no life.... Probably the only consolation I have is that I get to hug my baby once a while or before going into the exam hall. The long rides to and fro expo helps a little too... cuz when I ride, I don't think of anything else...I hope....

Studying Maths and HRM now.... I want my freedom... I want my life...